I always said that if I lose too much hair that I would just shave my head. I would never want to be one of those guys that refuses to admit they are bald and they do a crazy comb over. You know the kind, the ones that grow their sideburns really long and stretch it over their barren heads as if they are the grounds crew at Yankee stadium pulling a tarp on a rainy day.
Even worse would be a toupee. Those bad boys are making a major comeback in the new decade. Maybe it's just that the people that got them last decade are getting older and there are a bunch of vain baldies that need to go in for a touch-up. I constantly see these geezers out there that have rugs that have hair like a horse's mane and underneath they get their haircut Jason Statham short. In the end, they look like they have a sickly rat riding on the top of their head like Michael J. Fox rode that van in Teen Wolf.
So here I sit with a body like "Precious" and hair that is starting to look like Danny DeVito. In fact, Danny DeVito has a body kind of like Precious', just a lot smaller. So in the end, I am becoming Danny DeVito, just much much larger. Great. I just realized that. Now I am really depressed!
So my original plan was to shave my head if I lost too much hair. I wasn't going to try and pretend like I was Donald Trump, I would go down with some dignitiy. My plan was to find a hot wife before I lost it all and then she would be stuck with me for the rest of my life (I always assumed I would die before any wife I could find, mostly because she would probably kill me -I am that much of a pain to live with).
Now that I have the hot wife, I realized that I need to lose weight before I shave my head. You see there are no fat, bald guys out there that are stylish in any sort of way. If you are fat and bald, you just end up looking like a testicle. And God fobid if you ever stand next to another fat, bald guy, then people will REALLY start to notice! Even children would point at that and say, "Look Mommy, they look like my hacky-sack after I get out of the shower!"
Who needs that. Even Michael Chiklis looked in the mirror one day and decided fat and bald or "fald" is no way to go through life. So now my body is in a race. My hair and my ass are competing to see who could lose more first. Don't even get me started on my breasts...
C U @ a show!
AC3
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